Things I've learned since I started writing

Muscles don't tone themselves - clicking away on a keyboard or giving the finger to the words on your monitor (no matter how much energy you exert in the process) won't give you the same beautifully sculpted arms as a set of dumb bells. Go figure.

Caller ID is not necessarily a good thing - if I screen my friends too many times, they'll eventually stop calling.


Alarms come in handy - my kids being late for school because I was knee-deep in dialogue between my kick-ass main character and her always there to bail her out of trouble, non-judgmental boyfriend that I didn't notice it was time to wake them up, is not a valid excuse. Well, it is for me, but not for them.


Sleep is overrated - I learned to function without it in the 80's because sneaking out through my bedroom window to smoke pot cigarettes and drink Jagermeister with my bad-boy boyfriend took priority over catching up on zzz's (that's what school was for right?). In the 90's, because last call was at 2 a.m. Then came the babies (not a direct result from the plethora of last call's thank you very much) which eventually gave way to insomnia due to characters and dialogue and scenes. Oh my!


My children need food - according to my 9 year old, Ramen Noodles and Strawberry Pop Tarts do not a well-balanced meal make.

At 41, I'm still moldable material - this is not a good thing. It means that if I keep sitting in front of the computer every day for hours on end, my ass will eventually mold to the shape of the chair I sit in.


Dogs don't like diapers - apparently, they'd much prefer being taken for a walk every so often.


Sunlight and socializing are good for you - if I spend anymore time inside, holed up in my darkened office, living vicariously through the characters I've created in my wild and sometimes questionable imagination, I'll eventually begin to morph into one of the painfully pale humanoid creatures living in an underground cave from the Oscar winning movie The Descent.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to put another diaper on the dog because I only have 6 more hours to write before the short and loud people begin to filter in and ruin my mojo.